6. Feb. 2009
um 17:56 Uhr

Unix? Wie witzig!

Informatiker haben manchmal ihren ganz eigenen Homer Humor. Zwei diesbezügliche Ausprägungen, das Betriebssystem Unix betreffend, sollen dies illustrieren.

Ein Kōan ist ein treffend formulierter Denkspruch oder eine Anekdote, die meist sinnlos oder paradox erscheint und nur intuitiv erfasst werden kann; Beispiel: "Wenn zwei Hände aufeinander treffen, hört man ein Klatschen — welches Geräusch macht eine einzelne Hand?" (Hakuin Ekaku). Eric Steven Raymond hat dieses Prinzip auf Unix übertragen und die "Unix Koans of Master Foo" geschaffen (via Jun Auza). Wie gut er das macht, beweist etwa "Master Foo and the Script Kiddie":

A stranger from the land of Woot came to Master Foo as he was eating the morning meal with his students.

“I hear y00 are very l33t,” he said. “Pl33z teach m3 all y00 know.”

Master Foo’s students looked at each other, confused by the stranger’s barbarous language. Master Foo just smiled and replied: “You wish to learn the Way of Unix?”

“I want to b3 a wizard hax0r,” the stranger replied, “and 0wn ever3one’s b0xen.”

“I do not teach that Way,” replied Master Foo.

The stranger grew agitated. “D00d, y00 r nothing but a p0ser,” he said. “If y00 n00 anything, y00 wud t33ch m3.”

“There is a path,” said Master Foo, “that might bring you to wisdom.” The master scribbled an IP address on a piece of paper. “Cracking this box should pose you little difficulty, as its guardians are incompetent. Return and tell me what you find.”

The stranger bowed and left. Master Foo finished his meal.

Days passed, then months. The stranger was forgotten.

Years later, the stranger from the land of Woot returned.

“Damn you!” he said, “I cracked that box, and it was easy like you said. But I got busted by the FBI and thrown in jail.”

“Good,” said Master Foo. “You are ready for the next lesson.” He scribbled an IP address on another piece of paper and handed it to the stranger.

“Are you crazy?” the stranger yelled. “After what I’ve been through, I’m never going to break into a computer again!”

Master Foo smiled. “Here,” he said, “is the beginning of wisdom.”

On hearing this, the stranger was enlightened.

Nett ist auch "Master Foo Discourses on the Graphical User Interface":

One evening, Master Foo and Nubi attended a gathering of programmers who had met to learn from each other. One of the programmers asked Nubi to what school he and his master belonged. Upon being told they were followers of the Great Way of Unix, the programmer grew scornful.

“The command-line tools of Unix are crude and backward,” he scoffed. “Modern, properly designed operating systems do everything through a graphical user interface.”

Master Foo said nothing, but pointed at the moon. A nearby dog began to bark at the master’s hand.

“I don’t understand you!” said the programmer.

Master Foo remained silent, and pointed at an image of the Buddha. Then he pointed at a window.

“What are you trying to tell me?” asked the programmer.

Master Foo pointed at the programmer’s head. Then he pointed at a rock.

“Why can’t you make yourself clear?” demanded the programmer.

Master Foo frowned thoughtfully, tapped the programmer twice on the nose, and dropped him in a nearby trashcan.

As the programmer was attempting to extricate himself from the garbage, the dog wandered over and piddled on him.

At that moment, the programmer achieved enlightenment.

Weitere "Unix Koans" findest du beim Autor selbst.

Der zweite kreative Kopf, der hier Erwähnung finden soll, ist David G. Wiseman. In seiner Sammlung "Stories for a Computer Audience" hat er einige interessante Dinge im Angebot. Dazu gehören beispielsweise die "Funny UNIX Shell Commands" (via Martin):

% cat "food in cans"
cat: can’t open food in cans

% nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.

% rm God
rm: God nonexistent

% ar t God
ar: God does not exist

% ar r God
ar: creating God

% "How would you rate Quayle’s incompetence?
Unmatched ".

% Unmatched ".
Unmatched ".

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

% ^How did the sex change operation go?^
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many (’s.

% make love
Make: Don’t know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% !:say, what is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% \(-
(-: Command not found.

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ drink matter
matter: cannot create

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